would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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