last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This is my gift to your gina
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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