I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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