you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
