she looked like the bat from fern gully.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i believe in u and ur pee
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