hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
