Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
