he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
