Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
