you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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