He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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