I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
