i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize