I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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