Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
