I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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