:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
