wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
