Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
