I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
