Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
