i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize