what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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