Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
