i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
