i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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