He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
