Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
is it fun? or sober?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
