If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
