I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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