hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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