my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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