We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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