My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
