she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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