Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
