it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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