There was a lot of him and a little penis
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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