It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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