Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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