went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
