I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
