He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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