I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
