i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize