After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
