aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
