You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I deserve this hangover.
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