Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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