this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
