i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
