She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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