ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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