either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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