I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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