I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
