do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
