made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
