My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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