I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Four minutes until I can fart!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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