yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I lost the right to judge tonight
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
