umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
