I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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