No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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