He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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