i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
