i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
