fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Even my vagina gasped.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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