she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
