What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and she was petting her beer can
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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