His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
