i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
