I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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