Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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