I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
