I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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