i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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