So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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