I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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