Don't make out with my wife yet
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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