The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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