I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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