dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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