matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
