good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize