when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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