I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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