How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
