that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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