You made me cry and you don't even care
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
