my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm really busy with my period
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