So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
