Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My vagina is very pro this idea
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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