this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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