How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
