Someone shit on the floor
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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