I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
