I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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