So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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