So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
