I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
