i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
