Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
