She tied me up with her honor cords...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
