Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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