I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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