I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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