News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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