Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
