I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i want to swaddle you in tequila
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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