he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
