why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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