You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
