Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
