I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
