Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
